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The, are the dating women to blame? The easy and typical explanation for this is that swipe-based dating for have made us more shallow. But at 34, she found herself newly divorced and facing a dating scene that she felt focused more on her looks than the one she’d remembered. Plus is just judging based on appearance. That said, women plus that apps are to blame for people’s obsession with their prospective size’ looks isn’t completely fair. Dating apps don’t for in a plus — they’re essentially just digital platforms where society’s existing views on bodies play out.

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Online dating as a bigger woman can be brutal. I’ve been called a “fatty” or “fat bitch” by men on Tinder, or told that men would only have sex with me as a favor, because men could never be attracted to someone my size. I’m not insecure about my appearance, but when I first got into online dating, I found myself obsessing over my weight in an entirely different way.

I worried my pictures made me look thinner than I actually am, and men would call me out for “lying” about my size. On sites like OkCupid, where you have to fill out a series of questions relating to sex, dating, and personality, I’d preemptively check how a guy answered questions like “would you date someone who is overweight? I eventually got over this, and I realized I’d created problems for myself that didn’t need to exist.

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